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The Pain of Being Female

Why did you make me this way? Am I the lesser? Carrying the weight of creation yet you call me the weaker vessel? Is my existence only for the benefit of others? For the indulgence of men the care of children. To nurture and never be nurtured. Was Eve only created for Adam? Was she not also for you? In a fallen world my role is heaped with burden, no one lifts the heavy load from my shoulders. I am to be soft, submissive, and nurturing yet strong, fearless, and capable all at once. This is the being of feminine male- female.

Why did you make me this way?

There is a constant battle within, who will lead? I wonder if it would have been easier to take on the role of the submissive if just one of my appointed coverings would not have gone missing. Why have I been denied the protection and security of male strength, if I am to be soft, docile, and submissive? Why have I been made to walk where men walk, even as a woman? Yet when I speak he can't hear my heart, his stance towards me is dismissive.

Why did you make me this way?

I have sought shelter in so many ways, I have hidden myself. Longing for a safe place where I could be vulnerable and allow my feminine self to blossom and grow, but I am constantly without shelter. No father, no husband, no pastor, No Protector. The male seat is vacant, yet I cannot fill it. Anger and resentment build within me, when I think of all the tears I’ve cried never understanding why wasn’t I cherished. Why have I been treated as if I lacked value? Treasure hidden behind a hard exterior, diamond in the rough. No one thought it worth it to put in the work.

Yet as I am, in my brokenness I am burdened with man’s expectation of my feminine. Smile they say, for what I ask? For your inadequacy? When I have the sickening feeling if you had known you, then I could have known me, but instead I am left to fend on my own. When does my healing come? What is my healing? To know myself. My feminine self and to love her the way no man ever could. To protect her and comfort her, I make this vow to her. The little girl, the growing warrior princess, the queen of beauty and strength within.

Maybe I'm starting to see...

Can I be all these things for my sake alone, or am I forever his muse sent for his help? Why did I think he would rescue me when I was sent to rescue him? You call me his Ezer, a word synonymous with strength and called upon when man is in his most desperate need. Ezer, a word only used otherwise in reference to man’s cry to YOU. So, am I his answer? Am I his most desperate need? It is not good that man should be alone you said, ok yea but what about me? Why do I find myself abandoned like a rejected doll, used up mishandled and forgotten Until he needs me to birth his children, make his house a home, stroke his ego, and make him come.

Is that all you made me for? Because I must say with all my heart, I hope there's more!

I’m just saying I felt H.E.R when she said, "Baby can you focus on ME?" That’s all I’m asking beyond your own selfish need. Can you stand to be offended by my female experience for the sake of me finding the voice of my femininity? She is tired of being hidden tired of waiting for her deliverance she’s decided it’s time that she break free. Please understand I’m not coming for you man, we both have our broken places all I’m saying is let’s face it there’s no need for trading places what I’ve come to understand is if Ezer I am then, I must first be Ezer for ME. Strength to say NO, strength to LET GO, strength to give birth to the feminine me.

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