My "People Fast" and Mental Detox Journal

Friday 2/23/18 8:30pm

Less than an hour in to my “people fast” and mental detox, here I am writing about it of course. How could I not? I feel like an excited scientist testing a theory. I’m not sure exactly what I expect to get out of this time of solitude but I do have a few things in mind. I pray that God would meet me here and abide with me as He does always, but even more so that I can hear Him with more clarity. I’m not looking for some big spiritual revelation, just a cleansing experience. I want the Holy Spirit to wash me, bathe me, saturate me in His presence. I just want to rest in Him and allow Him to do whatever needs to be done. I don’t even know what to ask for, but I am sure He knows what I need.

Leading up to my decision to take this time away, I have become increasingly irritable with social interactions. Months ago, I felt a need to stop everything and sit in God’s presence until He poured out whatever it was He wanted to get to me. I sensed I needed to disconnect from everything around me and tune in solely to His voice. I did take some time in prayer, reading and journaling but I didn’t truly disconnect from all the voices speaking in my life. There was still a lot of clutter keeping me distracted. Lately, I find myself getting frustrated. I can literally feel the strength that I give out to those around me. I believe the issue is that I have not allowed my cup to be filled to overflow, instead I have reached down and dipped out until I’m scrapping the bottom of the cup. I need a refill!

I am calling this a people fast and mental detox. I decided from 8pm today (Friday) until 8pm Sunday, that I will have very minimal to no human contact. I have prepared my children to operate their schedule without me and asked that they not come into my room. I have discussed this with my husband so he understands that I will not be accepting any phone calls. For the next 48 hours, I want to sit in silence as much as possible. I want to open my inner eye to receive as much as I can bear. All day, I wondered how I would feel at 8pm. Would I feel like a chain smoker trying to put down a cigarette? I had second thoughts, maybe this was too extreme and unnecessary? But when the clock turned 8pm and I powered my cell phone down, I felt a huge sense of RELIEF like I had taken off something heavy. I smiled and began to pray as tears streamed down my face. I spoke to my Abba saying, “I’m falling into your arms open wide!” and my heart gushed!! I am at peace and I am looking forward to this time away with Abba.

Saturday 2/24/18 10am

I’ve been up for a while now. I stayed in the bed until the kids left for the day- Stiya to work and Ty to a basketball tournament in Winston Salem. I am up and thinking. I love the silence it sounds so good. As a laid in bed this morning, my mind was all over the place. I don’t really know how to start this day besides with writing out my thoughts so as to get them out of my head. I am already asking God millions of questions some about my marriage and others about recent dreams I’ve had about being passed down an inheritance on my dad’s side of the family. Even though I do seek understanding for these areas, I don’t want to allow myself to be consumed with finding answers right now. This is something about myself that can be a good thing and a bad thing. I am a seeker of understanding, knowledge and wisdom. My mind is always thirsting for more. I often overwhelm myself with my search then I become weary and worn down crying out for understanding. Right now I don’t want to concern myself with ideas that are too big for me. As David says in the Psalms 131,

“Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me. Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child. Let Israel hope in the Lord from henceforth and for ever.”

This is also my prayer for today. I will sit at your feet Abba, I will rest in your bosom, I will sing and dance in your presence. You have your way.